'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
