Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
