The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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