at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
