I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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