I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
