my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
