Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
