I'm going to jail i love you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
