Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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