You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
