You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize