thus making me awesome and them whores
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
