I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am one with the molecules
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
