woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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