There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
