i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
