I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
