You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
