im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
