I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I want is dick and wine.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
