Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
