I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's get the cat blown out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
