I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this hospital has no fireball
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
