Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
