I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
