Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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