Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
