Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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