the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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