i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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