i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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