Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
