Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
