It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
