my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
