She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
