i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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