my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
