YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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