I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
