i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize