Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
