so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
