her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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