Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
