Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
