She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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