I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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