Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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