Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
