She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
