im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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