i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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