So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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