Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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