how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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