well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
