omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
