I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
