UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want her autograph on my taint
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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