I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize