I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
