I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
