I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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