He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
