The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
