Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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